By Des Ellis, Vice President, National Foster Parent Association
and Shawn Johnson, Chair, Governance Committee
Lived Experience
As two married gay dads living in different states, we have each experienced the foster care system from both a professional and deeply personal perspective.
We have sat through caseworker visits, school meetings, court hearings, bedtime routines, difficult conversations, and the quiet moments that come with helping children feel safe enough to finally just be kids.
We have also seen firsthand what happens when children feel unseen.
Pride Month is often centered around celebration, visibility, and progress.
But for many LGBTQ+ youth in foster care, the reality is far more complicated. National data continues to show that LGBTQ+ youth are significantly overrepresented in foster care, with studies estimating they make up nearly 30% of youth in care despite representing a much smaller percentage of the overall youth population.
That number should stop all of us in our tracks.
Behind every statistic is a child trying to navigate identity, belonging, trauma, and stability all at once. Many have experienced rejection before they ever entered care. Some have been forced to hide who they are in order to feel safe. Others are still trying to understand themselves while moving through systems that are not always prepared to support them.
As foster and adoptive parents, we believe one of the most important things we can provide any child is the ability to feel accepted without conditions.
That does not mean parents need to have every answer. It means being willing to listen. It means creating homes where children do not have to question whether they are loved if they share who they are. It means understanding that affirmation and safety are not political ideas. For children in care, they are protective factors.
In our own homes, we have learned that many of the things LGBTQ+ youth need are the same things every child in care needs: consistency, patience, trust, and the freedom to feel emotionally safe. Sometimes support looks like having difficult conversations. Other times it looks as simple as listening without judgment, respecting how a child identifies, or making sure they know they do not have to earn acceptance within the family.
We also recognize that foster parents often want to support LGBTQ+ youth but may feel unsure about where to start. That is why education and training matter. Foster parents should never feel like they have to navigate these conversations alone.
As an organization, the National Foster Parent Association remains committed to equipping foster, adoptive, and kinship families with the tools needed to support all children in care.
Through the National Foster Parent Association Training Institute (NFPATI), caregivers can access training and resources focused on trauma-informed care, cultural competency, youth identity, and building supportive home environments for LGBTQ+ youth.
At the end of the day, this work is not about labels. It is about children.
Children who deserve stability.
Children who deserve dignity.
Children who deserve to feel safe enough to be themselves.
Pride Month gives us an opportunity to celebrate progress, but it should also challenge us to reflect on how we show up for vulnerable youth every day of the year.
As fathers, foster parents, and advocates, we know there is no perfect roadmap for parenting. We are still learning ourselves. But we do know this: children do better when they know they are loved, protected, and accepted exactly as they are.
And every child in care deserves nothing less.